Some families suffer in silence and believe their dysfunction to be so unique, no one outside of the unit would understand or relate. But we know that all families have "dysfunction" because there is no perfect model by the standards we were conditioned to believe - mom, dad, 2 kids, dog, school, TV.
Sometimes we have to actually mourn the loss of what we thought or were told it was supposed to be in order to be clear-minded enough to create the dynamic we truly desire. A lot of families, including mine, stay silent and stuck in patterns driven by fear, shame, guilt, blame, secrets and lies. They were once forms of survival and it worked.
These old systems cannot sustain the newness we want to experience now and moving forward. Just like in any relationship, there has to be roots in love, communication, honesty, compassion, accountability... How else do we expect to truly evolve?
We learn to let go of what no longer works and serves the unit by doing our OWN internal healing which will in turn affect the whole. It's hard work transforming old belief, examining within, identifying triggers and setting boundaries, making peace with the pain of the past...but it's all so worth it! I know I'm grateful for every breakthrough moment.
And while you're in the process of change, don't be afraid to reach out to a therapist or someone to help guide you towards a place of deeper understanding, greater health and happiness.