What kind of struggle subsiding promise
is this perpetual love you claim to possess?
The last time I checked, and I check often,
you were torn between the sudden surprise of
unwanted responsibilities at your doorstep and
the incredible impulse to fly into your dreams.
Apparently I was part of the latter. Or in your words,
I was the "point of your diameter, the diameter of your circumference,
your whole world" blah blah blah…
You tried so hard to love me, I required recovery from
the dismal façade of “you and me.”
Usually unmoved by such fairytale stories,
the one you ingrained in my mind found its way to my heart.
How that happened, I don’t even want to begin to explore.
There I was in my perfectly enclosed bubble, consumed in my own being…
and there you were--insisting that I allow you the honor of
setting me free into the "everlasting movement of love."
Who the hell speaks like that anyway?
And just like that, my bad-all-by-myself guard shattered,
leaving my subconscious desire for release completely exposed.
The shield I had so craftily created had become a window for the world,
and I the exhibit.
This feeling was both unfamiliar and enticing.
But it seemed my curiosity led me to the edge of a cliff,
after having learned to love another, I was dragged by the very rope
you used to capture me
and once again, I’m supposed to close my eyes,
jump, and expect a safe landing?
You slipped up and let me fall so many times…
How do you figure I’ll be so confident in you now?
When will the last time really mean the last time?
If this is the sacrifice of love, then you’ve ruined the experience for me
And I’d rather possess my own damn rope
And my own damn rescue kit
I assure you I can break myself a lot better
My own disappointments are sufficient enough to entrap me.
So why have I invested so much energy into a fairytale?
I ask myself repeatedly every time I stare at your picture in my phone
I haven’t deleted it because it reminds me of the struggle of
Broken promises, wishful thinking, impressionable me
Naïve, vulnerable to dreams, believing in something…anything
And thanks to you, I’ve decided no such love exists.